New York City is a web. It’s why people move here. These interwoven connections have re-engaged public spaces after an era of isolated oddity. Some people jumped with excitement and eagerness, meeting up with everyone they haven’t been able to, while others have tripped on anxiety, weary to engage in the social immersions that they have grown comfortable without.
There’s a quote from Seth Godin that will stick with me forever, “anxiety is experiencing failure in advance.”
Social anxieties are super interesting. I don’t think anyone is immune to them, no matter how confident a person may appear. Seth’s quote, however, highlights how useless anxieties are. Failing before you even have a chance to fail doesn’t help.
When someone asks to grab a coffee or a happy hour drink, or when there’s a person that you feel that you could benefit from some in-person time with, there’s really no failing—unless there is an agenda. Remove the agenda. If there’s no agenda, there’s no way to fail. This may require patience.
Engaging with another human for the sake of engaging is enough of an agenda when starting. Sure, would it be great if you would come out of a coffee meeting with a new partnership in the works? Of course, but it’s an unfair expectation.
Networking often gets compared to dating. I think that’s bad networking. Dating has an agenda. The people on the date have an agenda. They are trying to determine if they could be life partners, make one another happy, or simply have a great night. The interviewing process has a lot more in common with dating, which is why interviewing can be so anxiety-inducing. There’s an agenda.
In-person meetups are now safe for most of us. Go out and grab a coffee. Working through ideas with new people, learning about another person’s journey, and getting out of your own head is so valuable for growth and self-identity.
Oh, and if you have back-to-back coffee meetings, consider a decaf.
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I’m not one to assign homework, but hey, maybe ask someone to meet up for a drink? Don’t wait around, just do it.
